I saw Josh today. I'm in a city far away from California. No comatose patients in the hospital, unfortunately, so I can't put Defiled Shepherd into her own body yet.

He was different. His eyes had changed color since I'd last seen him. They have turned purple.

He didn't see me.

Is he a proxy? Or a host for an entity similar to DS?

Either way, I'm not getting involved with him unless he involves himself with me.

The book contains only prophecy. It is of no use to me.

Defiled Shepherd whined at me enough to make me keep the useless thing. Once I find a new host for DS, I'll make her carry it if she continues to want it for translation.

I'm nearing a big city now. Maybe I'll find a comatose patient at the hospital who I can slip DS into.

She tried to make me write down what happened to numb my emotions, so I removed her from my mind. The mask is with me still, of course, as she still has input that will likely be invaluable, but her complaints managed to annoy me enough to remove her.

I will not let myself feel emotions until my job is done. Whether my role in this be large or small, I will fulfill it wherever I can.

Defiled Shepherd isn't the only one with proxy kills anymore.

Peace and Safety // Options

I've found a place that will be safe for the night. A brief reprieve, but a necessary one.

Things have happened... I can't say some of them. It isn't my place to.

This week... It became... dull, somewhere along the way. The constant fear and dread has reduced my emotions to practically nothing. I feel... numb without them.

The lack of emotional strength has increased the clarity of my thought, however. I have managed to set a few goals that my previous mindset would not have even considered beforehand.

1: Find a new host for Defiled Shepherd. Her complaints and protests will likely be much more tolerable when she isn't occupying valuable space in my thought processes.

2: Renew focus on finding a way to kill the Slender Man, including exploration of a few paths that I had not even thought of previously. Lure and contain methods; blood magic; summoning an equally powerful entity to fight the Slender Man for me.

3: Find allies. A lone wolf does not survive in a war for long, and I want to live long enough to see the Shepherd of the Defiled rise up and be heard.

In addition, I will continue to translate the book that I was previously obsessed with. I might find a way to kill him in there, and I fully intend to practice any battle magic I find in there on him.

Now, Defiled Shepherd wishes to say something. I am obliged to let her, as she has saved my life on numerous occasions.

-Patrick

Get me a fucking new host! No, that wasn't just to Patrick, the insane bastard that he is; if any of you can help me find a new body, I will owe you at least a dozen favors, and a favor from a being like me isn't anything to be taken lightly.

Seriously, I can't say what (his control over his own mind and body has grown too high with the death of his emotions), but he has suffered a great tragedy that he does not know how to deal with. His emotions have all but died, and the only thing left on his mind is revenge against the bastard you all know.

I can't help him with that. I'm truly sorry to him, and all of you, but the Slender One is more powerful than anything I could handle. An Iata would fall all too quickly before me, but I just cannot fight whatever the Slender One is.

Patrick seems convinced that he is the only one who can actually kill the sick tentacled fucker. I doubt it. He represents the fear of all that is unknown, a fear that all humans share. Although, Patrick does have more of a chance than the average runner; he classifies within his mind everything he sees or hears or hears about. If anyone can conquer a fear of the unknown, Patrick holds one of the highest probabilities, maybe 3.2% chances of him actually finding a way to kill the Slender Man.

If he is to win in any capacity, I cannot be there with him. For a person to conquer one of their fears, they have to do it on their own.

One thing has peaked my interest, though. Two days ago, when Patrick and I came closest to death, I saw his life flash before our eyes. One of the things I saw gave me an idea. I told Patrick my idea, and he rejected it.

I'll lay it here, in text over what may not be a reliable medium for long, just in case any of you brave people want to explore it as an option.

Instinctive fear breeds instinctive hatred. Fear of the unknown causes hatred and intolerance of what is not known. One of the oddest fads to have passed before Patrick's eyes represents the opposites.

Love and tolerance is the opposite of hatred and intolerance. This is what I realized from the images of cartoon ponies and internet forums that flashed in our eyes.

The "Brony" movement may well be salvation from our faceless foe.

-Defiled Shepherd

A moment of rest

That didn't go well at all. I... I saw Him again. That twisted fucker.

I've been given an ultimatum. Either I can go insane in my isolation, or I can die a gruesome death.

I don't see any other options.

Excluding suicide. But... that is... I can't kill myself.

I will not end any life, not even my own, not even to give peace.

I might as well come clean with where I am. In the middle of Nowhere, Arkansas. This tiny-ass town has maybe a hundred people in it, and half of them are middle-aged.

I hate it here, and I wouldn't even have set foot in this fucking town if not f

SHIT

Fine. Safe, even.

Hey, all. No, I haven't been attacked again, and I haven't gotten news of any attacks on my friends, or family.

Then again, I haven't heard from any one in Gilroy since I called my family on Christmas.

I really shouldn't be doing this, but I can't stand being alone for this long. DS and I have pretty much run out of things to talk about, except for the occasional critique of my work.

Other than the glorified voice in my head, I have nothing. No one. Just me and a sentient mask I absorbed into my head.

I... I need some contact with others. Even if it's just through my speaking through this blog.

Even if that damnable thing comes back for my blood, I'll be fully willing to take its evil back into my life if it means I can shake this fucking loneliness and stagnancy.

I know I'm being selfish, and I don't give a fuck.

I used to wish for solitude like this. Well, not exactly like this; when I imagined it, I didn't have a voice in my head. Well, now I have the solitude, and I'm ready to give it back to whoever I took it from.

I didn't realize it, but... I need people.

I apologize in advance for anything of terribly length or wordiness that I post on this blog. I only have a being of unknowable age and immense intellect in my mind, a couple dozen novels (read all of them at least twice by now), and a dictionary for company.

I can't say where I am, but I don't have cable. I have power and wifi, and I'm not in Pennsylvania anymore, but I can't watch TV except on Hulu or what little I can find posted on Youtube.

I'm going to switch the blog's time back to Pacific time, just to help me remember what time it is back home.